its almost as though

i get lost
from
time
to
time.


And sometimes, its incredibly hard to see you staring back.




Current Mood: Girly//negative.

Also

I know I'm a fag for only blogging about one thing.

But I can't fucking help it!!


Conclutionnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn: i think its fair to say im hooked.

never ever ever

Part from me, or my heart.

Promise me a long time, because baby this is the best Iv'e felt in so long. And I dont' think I could part with the bubble baths and cupcake pebbles, the late night make out sessions in my kitchen while dinners getting cold on the table, your lips, your hands on my back and neck, those arms.. mmmm i never wanna part from those arms.

Either way I'm sure you get the point.

I, need you.
I need, you.

I Need You.


Conclution: I dont think i could deal with not having shitty curly hair when I fall asleep from our baths, or always smelling like bananas/ocean mists. You making fun of my iTunes (eventhough you totally sing lady gaga all the time you love her.) Just please please please please please please dont let this be a waste of time!!!!

Summer time summer time!

New daily rituals: Wake up at 8, get to work, drink coffee until i shake/feel like im going to puke, work til 6, paint til i fallasleep or end up in a bubble bath with my adorable aryan boyfriend. Im not sure if life is good or bad this way but either way Im not complaining.


:D

Sitting at work

I can still smell a hint of banana bubble bath on my skin.

It makes me think of you,which makes my day about 700 times longer, because I still get TOO excited for 21h30, it can never come soon enough.

But on the other note, work is long and my back hurts so badly i can't really move my neck properly. I have a job interview tomorrow and noooo idea what to wear!!

Conclution: Everyone send me 1$ so i can afford to go see a chiroptractor. svp

kocham cie ♥♥♥♥♥♥

Too soon?

Hey whos to say, but its how i feel.
The last couple of weeks of my life have been fucking unreal.

Conclution:If men creepily message you on facebook ALWAYS respond! It might be the best decision you've ever made.

Fear: is not an emotion, its a weapon of control. Used by yourself or others to obtain a new beginning.

I seem to find myself slowly hardening. Taking this once soft shell and molding it and crafting it into an adimentium fortress. And with the turning of the seasons and the of shoulders and my 'friends' sweet embrace I seemed to realize something.
***
You look at me and ask me whats on my mind, what am i thinking? I am incrediably calm and relaxed in your presence and for the first time in my life i know what its like to lay next to someone and not be thinking about anything. You brush the hair from my eyes and i look up to make contact with yours and you tel me I'm cute, which I naturally deny. And look at you with almost a squint in my eyes becuase youre the gorgeous one. We both smirk and I just you a gentle kiss on the nose, which he will repeat at least three more times before the next time I see you. In which case it will overlap itself again.

See lying with you I begin to reolise something I could stress about my job, or rent or food. But baby whats the point? I have you and that's all I need.I mean essentially you cannot provide me a shelter or food or heat but when I look in your eyes I am at home. Everything is going to be okay.

When you're hand is enclosing mine I feel like I'm on top of the world. No one will drag me down, and you think that the million little things you do are annoying and aggravating. I think they're precious.

With all that's been going on in my life and the sudden shifts and changes things are going to change substantially. But I have faith in you and us. For the first time in a long time I am happy, and warm and smiling, There's a skip in my step and my heart is beating to that upbeat drum that it's missed for such a long time.

Something about you, the way you look, touch and smell lifts me up. I have started to slow down, the pace I used to grace the sidewalks with has now becuase a slow stroll, because whats the hurry, I want to spend as much time with you as possible. Doing everything, I have so many plans for us, for the summer and I want them to be perfect. I am not a fan of classical rock nor would I call myself a Beatles fan at all, but they really pinned it when they said 'all you need is love' I finally get it.

In my twenty years of existence I have felt nothing like this. I have never been so happy and scared and enchanted by someone else. I just want to be my best for you. I want to try, I mean Ive got you but I don't wanna let myself go one single once, I want to always be the beautiful charming and talented young girl that I am. I never want you to see another girl in the eye that you see me. I don't want you to ever loose interest, feelings or heart for me.

I think I finally get it now and I couldn't be anymore ecstatic. I just wanna be with you, I don't care what it takes or what it means. I could never see myself being bored with you, or anything, You're perfect in ever aspect I would climb the highest mountain and scream it at the top of my lungs to tell you how I felt.I need you to understand that I'm not going to hurt you. I'm not like the other girls, and I don't ever want to be. No one else gets my stupid humor or how I think.

To be continued. . .

THE CAKE IS A LIE

This was a triumph!
I'm making a note here:
"HUGE SUCCESS!!"
It's hard to overstate
my satisfaction.

out with the old and in with the new

I dont think anyone really follows anymore. But part of my growing and such I feel it necessary to delete everything on my blog.

Previous to Montreal,
because looking back...


NONE of that shit fucking mattered :)

And my life is happier without it, also all my facebook photos have been removed.

fini.

Conclution: Its ok to move forward from harsh times, and bad memories, but never forget them. You can always learn and grow from anything in your life, weather it be tragic or happy.

xxx

Goodmorning perfect.

The worst part of my day:

Peeling myself out of bed.


Conclution: Call in sick, dont do to work, spend the day in bed with someone who you love. Not in a way-too-soon-creep-way. Enjoy the day world :)

Oh yeah and a friendly little hint for everone out there: Fall in love,it will boost your ego.




<3 Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep!!

im finally yours

100%
100%
100%

Good day:) beautiful weather.

Work,park,cleaning, tea and pie. I seriously don't deserve any of this.

Xoxo

No conclutions today, just a happy heart

my promise.

I will never do a thing to hurt yu again. Please know nothing was malicious or out of spite. I want you back 100%

You mean more to me than I'd like to admit for fear of being a creep.

You mean so much to me. I'm not willing to los you or give you up, not this soon, not this easy.



Also please don't make fun of me for what's written in my journal.

Conclution: This is the first time in my life ive been completely honest with someone, and been so carefree about all my mistakes past or present. I dont want to throw this away. I love that you still would never judge me, to a certain degree.

PROOF!

There is a god.

Being the plague.

Ive buried more bodies than Id like to admit,
Caressed more patches of skin than Ive confessed to loving.

And been the direct reason for the death of three young men.

Its been years, and I'm still just as confused. Slightly scared of commitment as much as I want it. I'm very scared.

-New job Monday.
-My heart is confused.

hmph.

this weekend

i am so unbelievably excited

rainy weather and staying in has never made me more grateful.
Relaxing weekends are the best thing i have right now

xxx

oh god oh god oh god

Im not sure what I did to deserve this but im so glad it happened.
If everynight could be like that last three i would be forever greatful.

This has been the best week of my life.

Hold on to me and please dont let me go, without your arms around me i feel like this is not even real.

Going to post summer goals soon. Maybe carry over a few of the older ones, we'll see.

oh fuck

It feels so good to be back on top

A well deserves thank you.

Joel Blanchfield.

Thank you so much for always being there for me, the late night phone calls, delting with me on my period, inviting me into your home and family, driving me home late at night without even asking for a penny in return, for being at my house withing 20 min anytime i call you, even if its at 3am and i fall asleep an hour after you get there. Thank you for dealing with my mood swings, not finding me disgusting when Im stuffed with food, dancing to life ruiner wearing gross clothes. Thank you for never judging me, for always being there for me and for being probably the best friend i have ever had.

I am sorry for getting frustrated, bitchy and irritating. For calling you 7 times in a row until you pick up so I can ask you really dumb questions. Im sorry for making you climb on roofs when i know you hate heights so i can draw dicks on peoples sky lights. Im sorry for always changing your fave songs in the car to put on mine, and for spilling 7up all over your passanger seat. For whiping my nose on you always, and making you deal with me when im gross and haven't showered in three days.

What im trying to say..

You're probably one of the most selfless people I have ever met, I sometimes dont treat you as you deserve, and im really truly sorry. You always look out for me without even thinking twice. While writing this i realised how much of a terrible friend i am to you. And im really sorry.

Conclusion: Words could never express the the gratitude I have for you, or how much i appreciate everything, sometimes I really do forget how much you've done for me. Im incrediably selfish when it cmes to this stuff, im going to try harder.

xxxjamie

Can someone please

love me?

for a minute?

for an hour?

For an Eternity.
I want to feel like Im worth devotion, loyalty and honestly. Just once.

Conclusion: Sad night im loosing faith

I keep clicking my heels

but its all still here.

Just when I thought it was safe to open my eyes and come out from under my covers, the darkness howls at me again.

So ill lay back down, cover my eyes, click my heels.
But still theres no place like him.


Comclution: Never leave montreal for more than two days.

i would give the world

To have this right now.
I cant wait. SVP

Honestly

I put up walls because everytime I let someone in they use me,